Our Story

I'll translate this when I got time I promise! Or somebody wanna help me?? haha

認識耶穌快兩年了..在這兩年內我說過無數次的見證 關於我怎麼認識他的, 但是每次講的內容都縮水縮很大! 我決定要來把故事從頭到尾(no more make the story short)講一遍! 因為我相信在我身上所發生過的所有事, 都是為了榮耀神的 :)

從我國小起, 爸爸媽媽就常常吵架, 有時候還會打起來, 那時候我總是會躲起來哭..不敢過去和他們說”不要吵了

” 忘了是哪一天, 媽媽什麼都沒說的就離家出走了..一走就是一兩年, 那時候的我 似乎可以理解媽媽為什麼要離開..家裡少了一個人的生活, 好像也沒有很難去習慣…過了很長一段時間, 媽媽從日本回來了, 同時也是他們要離婚的時候. 我只記得, 那時候我覺得這對大家來講好像都是個解脫, 至少他們不需要再每天吵架打架~

在我更小的時候, 我曾經被一個男生性侵害過, 因為那時候還太小了, 所以我並不清楚當時到底是什麼樣的一個狀況…一直到我長大, 我認識了一些lesbian, 而且喜歡上她們之後, 我才知道 原來我對男生是這麼厭惡又懼怕的.
我從國一開始喜歡女生, 一直到大學, 在這中間也有跟男生交往過, 但是時間都不長..其實不管我跟男生還是女生在一起, 從來都沒有好結果. 因為以前的我一直被許多不好的靈綑綁著.

在台灣的時間渾渾噩噩的過了..在我國中畢業的時候, 決定出國讀書, 沒想到來美國之後的生活更亂, 因為一個人在這裡, 沒有家人管, 尤其是搬出姑姑家之後, 整個人就像籠子裡的鳥被放了出來一樣, 但我不知道, 我只是又飛進另外一個更大的籠子罷了!
自己生活之後, 覺得自由了, 認識很多男男女女, 不管是認識沒幾天或是幾個月, 不管是有交往沒交往, 我都很不愛惜自己的身體, 和他們發生關係..我想, 那時候我很缺乏愛吧, 會認為和其他人在一起, 好像就等於被愛.
這樣的日子持續了兩年左右, 那段時間裡, 說實話我過的一點也不開心..反而很痛苦. 因為我也不想不專情, 我也不想和一堆人發生關係, 我知道那些都是不對的. 我知道周圍的人都在我背後評論我的所作所為, 但是我卻沒有辦法控制自己, 沒有辦法不放任下去.
而當那些痛苦積到一個點的時候, 我開始自殘, 其實從國中開始就會拿刀劃自己..但都只是很輕的那種.. 但是感情很亂的那時候, 我整個爆發了! 我記得那時候我失去理智的拿刀在腿上劃了好多道…邊哭邊劃….一直到褲子被染成了紅色, 血流到地上, 我才驚醒.
在那之後, 日子沒有好轉, 反而更糟.. 認識了一些人而開始酗酒, party, 和更多人交往, 受了傷又繼續自殘….覺得, 如果我還感覺的到痛, 就代表我還活著…就又這樣過了一兩年...

我真的很想改變 但不知道怎麼改… 當時我想 我應該一輩子都會這樣吧! 我就是會繼續的亂下去…繼續的傷害自己..也傷害別人…就這樣一直到我死去.

然後……祂出現了
祂透過一個人來向我敲門! 那個人就是廖小徵~ 在我們交往一個月左右, 他邀我去教會, 也就是Impact. 我從來沒去過教會, 也不知道耶穌是誰, 去之前整個超緊張, 因為我覺得基督徒都怪怪的! 但是那時候因為喜歡他, 所以就決定去了~
到了那裡, 我看到大家在敬拜, 那是一種我從來沒有體會過的感覺, 我聽著大家唱, 看著power point., 不自覺的就哭了…也不知道是為了什麼
後來, 我記得傑克那天有說到, 我們常常在跌倒, 常常摔的渾身是傷, 而神很愛看我們跌倒! 因為我們可以靠著祂站起來. 我那時候在心裡想…”一直在跌倒…那不就是我嗎? 這個叫耶穌的真的可以扶我起來嗎?” 在那之後, 我對教會的印象變了, 雖然他們是怪怪的, 但好像怪的還蠻令人喜歡的~

我有時間就會去教會, 慢慢的開始認識神, 然後知道了 不管我們過去做了什麼事, 耶穌都願意接受我們. 因為祂已經把我們的罪都洗淨了! 也就是那時候, 我發現, “啊! 就是祂了! 就是祂可以把我帶離以前那種黑暗的生活!”
我越認識祂, 越知道祂有多愛我..和祂熟起來之後, 我竟然可以把以前的一切都放下..! 我不再有想酗酒的慾望, 也不再有想出軌或是和別人亂搞的念頭, 對女生也不再有喜歡的衝動. 因為神, 我整個人被更新了~!
以前我從來不想結婚, 因為小時候看到爸媽那樣, 加上之前根本沒辦法和同一個人交往一年以上, 所以我總是覺得, 要是我跟誰結婚了 總有一天也會離婚吧! 但認識神之後我的想法也變了, 我相信我和廖小徵是被神祝福的, 是早就被祂計畫好的~
我甚至可以原諒那個在我小時候欺負我的人, 因為神教導我要寬恕

我越感受到祂的愛, 就越想愛更多回去! 我想為祂做很多很多事!
而我也深信, 如果神可以改變我, 祂一定也可以改變世界上的所有人! 或許祂會使用我, 來向很多人說話, 和我有同樣經歷的人, 或是其他人. 我相信神都會一一讓他們感受到祂的愛! 因為祂就是愛!

說到這…有沒有人覺得, 生活好像不是很順利, 好像蠻痛苦的..好像腳被綁了石頭一樣 不停的往下沉…? 耶穌就是那個可以拉你起來的人! 祂不只會丟救生圈給你, 祂還會拉你起來, 給你全世界最溫暖的擁抱, 然後把你帶到光亮的地方! 一個充滿快樂和希望的地方!
怎樣? 要不要試一下??

汗如雨下!

有多久沒有"汗如雨下"的經歷了?
非常久, 至少對我這個完全不運動的人來說, 非常非常的久..
但是剛剛幫小不點(我的貓)洗澡, 然後幫他吹乾的時候, 我終於體會到"汗如雨下"的感覺了!

我抓著他, 蹲在吹風機前, 很努力的用毛巾擦著他的毛,
吹風機很努力的對我和他吹著熱風,
他很努力的一直想逃離又熱又吵的吹風機,

然後....「怎麼會有水從上面滴下來啊?」 滑過我的臉, 滴在毛巾上, 滴在地上..
而且還不只一兩滴! 是整個像下雨一樣的滴滴答答!
我熱到不行! 他一直掙扎著抓我咬我! 但是我還是忍住, 好不容易把他給吹乾了!


然後....
我想到了耶穌, 我的神

他好像在告訴我, 「hey! 孩子啊! 你知不知道我也正汗如雨下的抓著你啊?」
耶穌汗如雨下的抓著我們! 為了保護我們, 就像我把小不點吹乾是為了不讓他著涼感冒!
但是我們還在掙扎, 以為他不給我們自由, 還生他的氣,
其實他根本就是因為愛我們愛到不行, 才願意忍著痛的繼續保護我們!

耶穌, 謝謝你!
你的愛我感受到了!
我要繼續在你的愛裡成長!

I'm angry!

我不知道這是不是所謂的righteous anger, 但是當我看到一個人生病的時候我就是會忍不住的發火!

當我看到一個人病了好幾天, spiritual, mental, 跟physical都被撒旦摧殘到不行, 卻還不願振作起來迫切禱告求神幫助的時候! 我真的想slap their faces and just shout "What are you doing!?!?????!!!! Are you being compromise with sickness?!?! Don't you know if only you ask the Lord for healing and strength, HE WILL DO IT!"

氣氣氣氣氣!
氣炸了!!


撒旦滾開啦!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

大風?

這幾天風都超級大...吹一個人都要飛走的感覺~
今天走在學校的時候 突然在想, 為什麼風這麼大啊?
"神啊, 祢為什麼要颳這麼大的風?" 我問


(Acts 2:2-5)
五旬節到了，門徒都聚集在一處。
忽然，從天上有響聲下來，好像一陣大風吹過，充滿了他們所坐的屋子，
又有舌頭如火焰顯現出來，分開落在他們各人頭上。
他們就都被聖靈充滿，按著聖靈所賜的口才說起別國的話來。


hmm......Lord, fill us with the Holy Spirit of Yours!

"Encounter"

So we just came back from our E2 Encounter Retreat last Sunday. I have to say, this time is really "unexpected" + meaningful. We arrived there on Friday night, next day, Pastor Tsai and his coworker Tom came. First we get to know each other a bit, then Pastor Tsai asked us, "How do u want to encounter God?" and everyone said something different, like speaking tongue, see miracle happens...etc. For me, I was expecting something new and fresh, something I've never encounter before.
Then Pastor Tsai showed us some slides and talked about what steps we need to do before we can encounter God, some basic knowledges. While I was listen, I just felt like.."I know all these already, when do I get to do the encounter part??" After the first section, we had lunch together, then we went back to the house and starts the afternoon section. We talked about John 3:16, and watched a short clip called "The Bridge" references to how God loves us and sacrificed His son just to saved us. And I was still thinking.."okay, I know 316, and?"
After that, Pastor Tsai asked, "so why do we want to encounter?" and I started to think, why do I want to encounter God? Is it for encounter's sake or something else?
Pastor Tsai then said, "We encounter God because we need to have a relationship with Him, and Love Him Back!" And I was like 恍然大悟!
"This is why I'm here on the prayer mt.! Not just waiting to be fill by the HS, nor see signs and wonders, I'm here because I want to show Jesus how much I love Him!"

Then it's about 5pm or so, before Pastor Tsai and Tom left, they prayed for us one by one. When it's my turn, Pastor Tsai starts out "You have a tender heart, and really sensitive, and because of this, you've got hurt really bad in the past." Then I just broke out with tears, was crying really hard! Because that's exactly the situation I'm in. He then prayed that I don't have to be afraid anymore, coz Jesus is protecting me. No one can hurt me anymore. And just asked the HS to delivered me from the pain. Complete release.
I felt really relax and relieved afterwards coz I know that Jesus is right next to me and He's my protector. :)

Next day morning, I woke up early and went climb up the hills outside just to pray and have a good time w/ Him. I wanted to climb to a particular spot, although the path is kind of steep, but I still went. Everyone knows that climb down is way harder than climb up, especially the hills was covered with really tiny stones. So before I started climbing down hills, I was so scared of slipping and fall, was praying so hard, asking God to not let me fall. Then I started climbing down, really slow, even stopped for several times coz the tiny stones were rolling under my feet! Guess what happened next? I still slipped and falled! My hand was scratched by sliding on the ground. When I just about to complained, God spoke, He said "Why are you afraid of falling? Don't you know I'm always next to you, holding you up?"
Then I just started to laugh! yah, why am I so afraid? He's right there with me when I fall, and He hold me up, and continued walk with me. Isn't that sweet??

I've really learned alot during this retreat, I know that we need to encounter for a Purpose. Also, I know that He is always by my side therefore I don't have to be afraid!
Oh btw, really be careful of what you pray/say to God! I had two nights of cold water bath up on the prayer mt. while everyone else had hot water, because I was saying to Him that I will fear no hardship! Hahaha~ the heater was just not working when it was my turn! XDDD
But it actually felt pretty awesome, hehe

Jesus I love You. Because You love me first.

He is really random! but I like~ <3

wow~ it's been a long time that I havnt update my blog...sorry for those who check out my blog everyday..! (XP???)

aniwayz, as some of u may know that I missed my final exam on Monday. Because I'm going back to TW on Thursday noon, so my professor arranged my early final w/ her other section (same class but different section). Their final is on Monday, so I just went to my classroom to take it. HOWEVER, it turned out different section has different room!!! I was standing there totally stunned! "So where's their room????????" Of course I couldn't find it..........= =
So I called my professor immediately, she didn't pick up, so I left a voice mail told her the situation and asked is there a way for me to take it again? (well...not again...)
When I got home, I wrote another email to her, telling the same stuff as the voice mail.
Then start to wait and wait and wait.....waiting for her reply.......
But seems like she doesn't check her cell phone nor email...

I woke up on Tuesday morning and checked my email, she still didn't reply anithing...so I just started to pray, also asked many of u to pray for me, too.
"Jesus, I put myself in Your hand."

Then I went to school to take my other final, after that class, I decided to call her again see what's happening. Amazingly, she picked up! and she's really willing to let me take it!!!
Hallelujah~~~~~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So I went to her office and took the final~ XDDDD

------------------------------------------------

Was so streesed out + burned out because of the finals...(lack of sleep + no time to eat + right hand hurts coz drawing too much + my stupidity) → I went to Kinkos last night to print my final project, and found out I didn't even save the files into my flash drive when the cashier opened the folder..........lol

This morning I went to Kinko's again, on the way back home, The radio was playing "Blessed Be Your Name" by Tree 63. And out of no where, I just started to cry again! Felt so stupid..haha~

Blessed be your name
In the land that is plentiful
Where the streams of abundance flow
Blessed be your name

Blessed be your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed be your name

Every blessing you pour out,
I turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say...

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your glorious name

Blessed be your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's all as it should be
Blessed be your name

Blessed be your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be your name

Every blessing you pour out,
I turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say...

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your glorious name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say Lord,
Blessed be your name

Yes, even tho I'm suffering, I still wanna give You praise~! Because You've done toooo much for me!

I was on my car, crying and saying "Jesus You are sooo random! but I love you so much...!!" haha~

When I got home, making my process book, I found a feather next to my chair~~~ about an inch long! >///<
My mood is totally great now! No more pressure and stuff. Thank You Jesus.

btw, going back to TW tomorrow, please pray for my safety + pray for my family coz I'll try to share Jesus with them :)

His Kingdom come!

So bunch of us Impacters went to SD for TheCall last Sat. The rally was pretty intense. I can feel God's presence all the time. Wept alot. Prayed alot. Worship alot.
Even tho I got pretty bad sun burn, but I believe God is gonna do amazing thing these two days! Because He heard our prayers.

Sunday was pretty fun also. We first went to the city hall, then we went to Norwalk civic center where the voting polls at. There was a group of protester (for prop 8) standing along the street. and some pro-prop 8 people standing cross the street. It was funny how we compete our volume at the begining...(they shout no on 8, we shout yes on 8) But after a while, some of us just began to pray. I was praying that God will just speak to all the people who standing in line waiting to vote, touch their hearts, and help them make the right decision.


Oh! When we were at the city hall, holding signs along the street, Blair was having really bad stomach ache. So I offered her a short prayer, asking Jesus to release healing power over her and filled her w/ Holy Spirit. After a while, the pain was completely gone!!! She was all energized and able to stand for hrs when we went to the voting polls~ Hallelujah~!!


And today while I was walking in Cal Poly campus, I saw this (↓) right in front of our student center!



A Prayer Tent!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and it's 24 hrs!!!

omg~~~ I was all exciting and touched! Almost cried! Coz God really listens to our prayers for the revival of CPP!
I passed by the tent, and there were 5-6 people praying inside. I'll definitely go when I need prayer or when I want to pray for others :)

This is just too awesome!! God is awesome!!!


btw, election day tomr, gonna vote in my campus. I will vote Yes on prop. 8 and vote for the pro-life candidate. And I'm already exciting coz I know VICTORY is near! Becasue our God REIGN!